How to beat* your cold - five easy tips.

I've noticed a lot of people around school getting sick lately so I thought I'd help out my fellow man (and woman), by writing five of my best keep secrets about waging war on the common cold. After you read this, you'll be shocked and delighted at how easy it is to celebrate victory over that nasty bug.

1. Drink as much green tea and orange juice as humanly possible.

I'm going to start big here -- this is probably the most important one. As soon as I feel myself getting sick, I buy a pack of green tea and about four liters of orange juice (I like Tropicana, but if your cheap, there's no shame in concentrate). Then, I spend the next 8-10 hours ingesting as much of it as I can -- or until I puke.

NOTE: Vomiting is simply your body's way of telling you it has enough nutrients, and now it's time to rest.

Simple! Just drink as much as you can until you feel better. The time it takes you to get better is directly proportional to how much green tea and orange juice you drink -- the two healthiest things on the planet. If you failed to follow tip one, and are now in full fledged sickness (or don't like green tea and orange juice), please read on.

2. Hang around as many healthy people as you can.

It's basic science: you have a limited number of gross sick germs crawling all over you when you're sick -- by hanging around healthy people, the germs your harboring won't be able to resist a fresh host and they'll leave you (naturally making you less sick) and infect others. "But Aaron, won't my friends and family get sick?" Of course they will! But not for long if they follow tip one.

Don't be afraid to go big! A well landed sneeze will get several million bacteria out of your body at once.

NOTE: As a rule of thumb, don't sneeze on anyone bigger than you. I've seen tip two go wrong very quickly.

3. If you do heroin, stop doing heroin.

Heroin is a bad drug. Don't do it. Don't watch Jersey Shore either.

4. Hit up your local tanning salon.

When you tan, the harmful UV rays that cause skin cancer will also kill any bacteria crawling on your body... or mutate them into super-bugs -- I really can't remember. Only do this one if you REALLY need to.

5. Hold in ALL bodily functions - then release.

Remember what I said about your body having a limited number of germs? Here's what you do: don't urinate, defecate, blow your nose, vomit, spit, cry, anything -- until you feel like you can't hold anything anymore. Then, release everything at once (make sure you're near a toilet) and go straight to tip one.

Basically, what you're doing is tricking the infection. You let it build up its little nasty germ army, then you get rid of the entire force in one fell swoop! It's brilliant, I know. And by going back to tip one, you ensure killing any last stragglers that might've.. not quite made it out.



*These methods may not work as well for you as they did for me. Use with caution.

Off topic: Silent film project

Yesterday, a classmate of mine and myself shot our brilliant rendition of a story I wrote for Creative Writing last semester. We had some very talented friends come down to help us out (only because we promised free beer, unfortunately). Since we both love The Roots, we chose one of their songs to use for our video. The video will be up shortly, stay tuned!

Individual Professional Project: Bannerman

In the second year of Creative Communications, each student is required to complete a huge project of their choosing. Projects can be a variety of different things: writing a book, fundraising for a company, shooting a documentary, or re-branding an organization. I chose to write, film, direct, and edit my own web based comedy series entitled Bannerman.

Bannerman follows Eric, a naive young man who causes tension between himself and his parents. Eric eventually gets kicked out of his house and is quickly thrust into a world where he is forced to grow up. He moves in with CJ, a socially awkward narcissist.

At the end of second semester, last year, I posted audition notices around the city. Auditions were held in June of this year. I found some great local talent to be a part of my creation. Scripts were finished in August, and we are scheduled to shoot our first episode this weekend.

Cast list:

Don (Eric's father): Rick Genisorek
Laura (Eric's mother): Cheryl Genisorek
Eric: Nick Petuhoff
Jane (Eric's friend): Jessica Cuddy
CJ: Lucas Brazeau
Earl (an interesting homeless man): Ward Massner
Extra: Bridget Young

Also, I'd like to extend a huge thank you to Owen Swinn and Matthew TenBruggencate for helping me out with auditions. I look forward to working with all of you.

Off topic: Call for universal urinals.

Ninety per cent of the time I'm walking anywhere, I have a coffee in my hand. The other ten per cent- it's beer. When I have a coffee or beer in my hand, at some point, I'm going to have to pee. When I have to pee, the last thing I want to see is this:

Where am I supposed to put my drink? On the floor? The risk of accidental splash increases exponentially. That's a risk no man should have to take. What ever happened to the classic, practical beauty of the traditional urinal?

Wow! Gorgeous, and useful! I can walk right up, rest my drink on that thoughtfully constructed horizontal ledge, do my business and be on my way. In this modern era, we become obsessed with making everything visually appealing. We have to stop somewhere, and that somewhere is urinals.

Dionysus In Stony Mountain

Yesterday our class went to see Dionysus in Stony Mountain at the Rachel Brown Theatre in the Exchange District. It was the first actual play that I have been to since I was a kid - and I don't remember any of those. The play was written by Steven Ratzlaff; Ross McMillan and Sarah Constible were the actors. 

The first act took place at Stony Mountain Penitentiary where James (McMillan) is a manic depressive who strangled his wife to death and Heidi (Constible) is a psychiatrist trying to help him. James begins reciting Friedrich Nietzsche in an attempt to help him cope for the terrible thing that he's done. He stops taking his medication and Heidi tries to find out why - and to get him back on it. I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it, so I think I'll just leave it there.



I was absolutely blown away at the actors ability to memorize all of those lines! It was unreal. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast this morning, and they rattled of pages and pages of dialogue.

I loved the use of lighting during the play, I found it very effective to get certain points across. I wasn't a big fan of some of the musical choices that were made (heavy metal-ish), but I can see why they were chosen. There were strong elements of humour present, which helped to lighten the mood of a somewhat dark story.

All in all, it was cool to get out and do something I don't usually do. I have a much greater appreciation for the work that actors do and how incredibly difficult it must be to perfect a role. I hope to find talented actors like Ross and Sarah for my IPP!